Juggling Knives

Sometimes I feel as though I’m juggling knives and I’m about to drop everything. I know myself pretty well and I can tell when something is out of balance. Life gives me cues. Like when my favorite jeans are too tight I know that it’s time to cut down on the cupcakes. When I’m snappy, I know that it’s a sign that I’m afraid of something, and when I’m forgetful, I know that I have too much on my mind.

Sometimes good things can throw me off balance too; like when I’m writing a piece that excites me more than usual I tend to write it in my head throughout my busy day. It may sound like a creative thing to be doing, but sometimes it takes me away from concentrating on what is in front of me. The results can be disastrous, like adding an extra zero when I’m writing a check, or embarrassing, like telling the cable guy that I love him when ending our phone call. “Bye bye, love ya!”
FOCUS LEAH!

Lately, (like for the last three years) I’ve been getting signals to slow down and take some time for myself. I know, three years is a long time, but I’m a slow study, and sometimes I need life to bite me in the butt before I act. For some reason I feel that my world, and the people in it, will fall apart if I’m not there to hold everything together. But…that’s a big fat self-centered lie! So, I’m taking off my martyr robes and I’m creating a plan on how to take better care of myself… on an everyday basis.

I know myself pretty well, and I’m a sneaking little soul who will find all kinds of ways to hold onto my bad habits, so I’m going to have to outwit myself by doing things that I enjoy doing. Fun homework! Here’s what I came up with.

Taking a long bath is a great way for me to catch my breath and find balance. For one thing, I’m stuck in the tub… and naked, so the distractions are pretty limited. The hot bath water sedates me…allowing the stress to escape from my pores and rise, along with the steam, above me and then evaporate like a forgotten bad dream. Cell phones are not allowed tub-side, but candles and music are encouraged.

Walking is another free and healthy way to find balance. It awakens me to the world outside. You remember outside…endless sky, brilliant sun, and a choir of colorful birds singing acapella from the trees? Outside is such an incredible place to be, yet I often ignore it, choosing to sit in a dusty house, with artificial lighting, and dirty dishes that scream “WASH ME” from the kitchen sink. Yes, dishes can talk. My laundry yells at me as well.

Music is my muse. I can always find my way free from the chains of stress when I’m in her company. Whether in my car, my house, or out at a club, music lifts me like no other, inspiring twirly dances, and hip shaking shimmies. The band King Harvest stated it best in their early 70’s hit, Dancin’ in the Moonlight. They sing, “You can’t dance and stay uptight…It’s a supernatural delight!” So I intend to turn up the music and dance hard, and more often. It’s also a good way for me to drop a few pounds.

I guess what I’m rambling on and on about today is how to stay present, centered, and balanced in a very unbalanced world. My life is like my yard. It’s my little plot of land to tend to. Let the neighborhood go to pot, but my yard will have roses, pebbled paths, and fountains! Of course I’m speaking metaphorically. My yard is actually full of weeds…but you know what I mean!

Isolation Sickness

I think our society is suffering from isolation sickness. We live in our private homes, drive our fast cars, and work in our tiny offices, insulated from distractions and isolated from the happy chaos of life. If someone visits unannounced we grab the mace, and peek through the dirty little peep hole in our doors shouting “Who’s there!” like we’re expecting the Gestapo.
When I grew up we had an open door policy and friends were always welcome. There was usually a pot of coffee on and a card game in progress. Laughter was the sound track for most of these scenes, (unless my step-father was in a sour mood, then we would take the party elsewhere.) and it didn’t take an act of congress for us to decide what to do next. “Want to go for a walk?” was met with an eager “Sure.” Then off we would go with no particular destination in mind. We would walk in the sweltering heat of a city summer, or the stinging snows of a classic northeaster. It didn’t matter because we were always game for an adventure. We’d collect a friend or two along the way, and eventually wind up in a booth with a drink in front of us and our mouths full of interesting chitchat.
We mingled with people….real people, with skin on. Not muffled phone voices sandpapered with static or abbreviated messages texted in haste. There were real friends to hang out with and they were usually our neighbors; making them conveniently accessible. You could walk up a flight of stairs and be at a different kitchen table engaging in new rounds of conversation.
There was a certain tribal vibe to the old school way of hanging out. You belonged to a neighborhood and the people in it. If you didn’t like your neighbor you simply ignored them to their faces, and talked about them behind their backs, making sure that all the members of your tribe hated them as much as you did. But you didn’t stalk them, shoot at them, vandalize their cars, or steal their identity. Okay, so maybe you left a bag of dog shit, set ablaze, on their front porch and rang their doorbell, then hid in the bushes and belly laughed while you watched them frantically stomp it out.
But who wouldn’t enjoy that?
Any way, I miss hanging out with friends without having to set up an appointment a month in advance. Am I alone in this?

Ordinary Insanity

Life is not a one night grand production where adoring fans applaud us, and the morning news heralds our praises for the entire world to see; thus validating our existence. Life is much more ordinary. But just because the bulk of life is ordinary, that doesn’t mean that it isn’t important. Some people miss out on life, always waiting for that one big thing to happen, casting away ordinary moments like unwanted ticket stubs. Is it even possible to measure our success by one attained goal?
Well, what if that one great moment never arrives? Or what if it already came and we didn’t recognize it because we were too busy searching the skies for fireworks? Real life exists in the breathe of the moment, it’s the words that we choose to speak and the thoughts that we choose to dwell on that inspire the steps that we take in life.
Most people have many successes in life, yet the bulk of them are very private; like getting over an abusive childhood, raising happy kids, or finding forgiveness for the people who have hurt them. These are great successes. Ordinary, well, if you compare them to writing a Pulitzer Prize winning novel, yes, but their value is immeasurable, and I doubt very much that they were easier to attain.
Many of us fall into the bad habit of measuring ourselves against the images on TV,… or the backs of books. Emaciated models, air brushed movie stars, and edited anchors dominate our media. Unfortunately these role models don’t even exist as we see them. They’ve been created by image consultants and script writers, and inside their heads, and skin, they are just as ordinary as the rest of us. We should only measure ourselves against ourselves, like a child’s grow chart penciled on the doorframe by a loving parent with their name above it. Our personal growth and successes are uniquely our own, like our fingerprints, and even though sometimes it may seem like nothing is happening or even worse, we are going backwards, we must stubbornly stand in faith trusting that the road that we are on is part of the plan, and will eventually lead us to where our destiny calls.