They Can’t Have my Lingerie!!!

It was the morning of April first. I had just returned from a long week at work and was unloading my suitcase, when my cell rang. I was in an upbeat mood, it being Friday and all, and answered with a singsongy “Hello.” It didn’t take long for my tone to change to more of a doomsday march as the voice on the other end informed that my wages were being cut 27%.... affective that day! Initially I thought it was a cruel, but clever, April’s Fool Day joke, but alas the irony of life had once again visited me. It was no joke…and not funny….on any level.

I felt outraged at the cuts and began to froth at the mouth, spit spatting all my favorite curse words, and boiling over like a cauldron on a bonfire. Trying to calm myself, and keep my murderous hands busy, I decided to give my closet a good clean out. Cleaning (with loud music blasting) calms me down. It’s my way of venting and seeking control.

Sitting Indian style on my bedroom floor I sorted through shoes with no mates, jeans that no longer fit, and books I’d already read; creating hills of castoffs until I was finally able to see the stained carpeting of my closet floor….and a little something special. There pushed beneath the shadows of long dresses and winter coats I discovered a shiny pink shopping bag sprouting with tufts of heart kissed tissue paper, and looking elegantly sexy….. and somewhat out of place in my rumpled closet

I pulled the bag to me, shifted the tissue paper aside, and audibly sighed as I lifted a small assortment of delicate lingerie out of the bag. Black and lacey panties… with sequins! Cougar prints, hearts and kisses…yummy yummy lingerie that I had purchased about a month ago and had never removed from the bag! I remember the feeling I had when I first purchased it. I felt glamorous and sexy toting my little pink bag through the mall…… like a cast member of Sex in the City. I was powerful and mysterious; an experienced woman with secrets…okay so they were Victoria’s secrets but who gives a damn. I felt special!

So what happened? There had to be some sort of disconnect that caused me to stash them away without even a try on. I thought about it for a while and realized that I was saving them for a special occasion. My body is used to the utilitarian undies bought eight to a pack in sickening pastel shades, and nondescript bras bought in bulk with sturdiness in mind. These were neither.

What the hell kind of special occasion was I waiting for? It’s not as though there was a National Lingerie Day where I could sport my fancy panties and be the envy of the office. Nobody but my husband and I were ever going to see them; unless of course I got into an accident and a dishy Doctor happened to take a peek…nah, life isn’t like that for me….I’d definitely be wearing my Wally-Mart specials.

My pay cut flashed back through my mind, simultaneously igniting a spark of guilt. “I should return them,” I thought, biting at the side of my cheek and fingering the silky fabric of my new cougar and lace push-up bra, “we need the money.”

Things got a little blurry after that but the next thing I remember was posing in front of my bathroom mirror deliciously adorned in silk and lace and mumbling “They’re mine…I’m keeping them damn it.” I bit the tags off and pulled my faded jeans and T-shirt on over my pretty and provocative new intimates then sashayed back into my bedroom and finished cleaning my closet.

When a woman is down she needs to protect herself and draw the line some where. The way I see it they may be able to cut my wages, repossess my car, and foreclose on my house… but damn it, they can’t have my lingerie!!!









This song is for all the good women out there who keep on fighting no matter what life tosses at them.