To the Gallows...Again.

What do you do when troubles build up and realistic options don’t seem to exist? I tend to panic, hyperventilate, and worry until the waters of my mind become muddied and I can’t think clearly any longer. This tends to frighten me even more than the original problems did. I continue in this mode until I’m paranoid….certain that I can hear the mournful bells tolling, the gallows being built….and my halting footsteps climbing the scaffold to my imminent doom. It is at this point that I finally give up….let go….and say screw it, surrendering to life and all that it holds for me.

This process is similar to when you lose something really important and frantically search every where for it….only to come up empty handed. Defeated, you count the precious thing as lost and cease your searching. Then lo and behold the item turns up on its own a few days later. “Oh! It was right here all along.” You sing, holding that precious item and determining to be much more careful with it in the future.

Well, that’s what I mean by surrender. You search and search for answers…. but there are none to be found. Finally, with tears and sighing, you let go…and somehow the answers eventually find you. It’s as though life sends them, like winged messengers, to your side. “Ah” you say, “so this is how it’s done. The next time I’m going to surrender from the start instead of driving myself insane.” But, when the next time rolls around (and it will) you do the same fearful walk to the gallows. Why can’t we just let things go when we hit a dead end? Because we underestimate the importance of faith; and overestimate our own abilities to fix stuff.

Letting go is scary…it requires faith that things are as they should be, for now, and that they will eventually improve with time. It also requires us to live in our troubles, work alongside of them, and sleep with them, while fighting the urge to slay them. Acceptance, faith, and surrender…. …when will I learn?!

This Chinese proverb speaks loudly on the subject of surrender: “Muddy waters let stand will clear.”

And Paul McCartney has a bit to say about it also…….