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Thursday, April 28, 2011

May I Have a Moment?


Sometimes, when something wonderful is happening, I become intensely aware of the moment—and that as it unfolds it’s also slipping away, becoming a faded snapshot destined to spend eternity filed away in my unreliable memory …neglected, and eventually forgotten. Time really is an illusion. There is only now. Yet, now is ever changing like the clouds and the shoreline, seemingly moving forward like a man in a blinding snowstorm whose footprints are erased by the driving winds, leaving him unable to see where he came from or where he is going.

Holding on to a moment is impossible. It’s like trying to capture the twinkling of a star. I remember holding my infant son and feeling the synchronal love flowing like milky waves between us, and then becoming startled with the smothering epiphany that this precious infant of mine was going to some day disappear… and I would no longer have a baby. I cried into his feathery hair with this suffocating awareness, trying to remember everything about him as he cooed and snuggled into me, oblivious of the moments that lay before him; resolutely waiting to escort him into manhood.

My son is nearly thirty now, and although we share an unbreakable bond, and I wouldn’t trade him in for that baby that I once held, I sometimes tear up when I stumble upon his three legged teddy bear, or his favorite childhood blanket; caught off guard by the intensity of the moment…and the memories.

There is a charged expectancy hidden within the folds of each moment as we reach for something more…and also a tender desperation as we let go…eventually leaving behind everything. The exchange is bittersweet…yet, with optimism, we bravely do it every day. This is life and how it’s done. We were made for this, wired just the right way so it makes sense to us, and doesn’t scare us into our shells like terrified turtles.

Our hearts are a great depository holding the sundry moments of our lives like the yellowed pages of an old book. These sanguine moments have changed our paths, our thinking, and even chosen who we will love. They are our heart's alibi proving that we have lived, in this moment, and this moment alone.

















13 comments:

pixielui said...

Such a sweet share and even sweeter song. As gratitude I will share this with you: My mother asked my brother and I to dedicate a song for a section of pictures on a video that was given to my sister. I choose "In My Life" because my sister gave me a mix tape of Beatles' songs. Now a truth: "and these memories lose their meanings when I think of love as something new"; we can never go back; we can only push forward. I hope that someday I will be walking that path with my sister again(hand in hand)and have a renewal of love but it is not shiny and new...it is like an old teddy bear or blanket just needed to be in the light for a moment of glory.

Leah Griffith said...

Hi Pixie, I too love this song. Thank you so much for sharing your intimate story with me. It was beautiful. Love...

Jayne said...

See?! This is exactly, precisely why I've given you an Inspiration Award. (Go get it, please.) Lord you know how to coax tears, girl. This is saw beyond awesome. Particularly for me, this evening, as my son leaves, by plane, for Washington DC early tomorrow morn. He has not packed his blanky, which has accompanied him everywhere, even on our vacation last week. Even at a recent sleepover where he hid it inside of his sleeping bag. I kissed him tonight and held him so much more than usual. Tomorrow, he's going to be in a different place, with friends and teachers, yet on his own. He's going to come home a different boy. I know.
You're a true poet, Leah. (Damn I wish I hadn't had that glass of white, I can't shut that ocular faucet off.)

Kris said...

You've got me all emotional Leah, though Jayne's post stirs up a paternal sense though I have no kids of my own. As always a wonderful blog

Leah Griffith said...

I'm poking my finger in all you're sensitve places Kris. LOL!! Thank you honey bun...you're such an amazing guy. I wish there were more men like you in this world.

tobefreesherwood@gmail.com said...

I was at home on the farm in the moments of my life remembering my parents as we buried my mother only six months after my father passed away. We looked at pictures, shared stories and I as lived in the present my mind was caught in the past. The many memories flooding my mind pictures of growing up replaced with grown ups in the same scenes. Good byes are hard! Just as you wrote our lives are filled with moments we remember, I enjoy your writing thank-you for sharing. Cherish the moments, enjoy the present to the fullest and look forward to the future with those you love.

Leah Griffith said...

I am so sorry for the loss of your mother…and your father. The world looks different, perhaps a little harsher or a tad dimmer when one loses a parent. I’m so pleased that you were able to enjoy the memories. These memories will comfort you as you catch your breath and right yourself in a world that seems slightly off. I’m happy that you enjoy my writing and that it brought some light to you. Thank you for your touching post Tobefree.
Kindly,
Leah

Xay B. said...

I ran into your page a little while back and I come back periodically to check it out. I just have never made my presence known lol

Love your stuff.

www.quethelights.com

Leah Griffith said...

Thanks Xay! I just stopped by your place and checked it out. Great blog, wonderful photography, and well written. I will certainly be visiting more often now that I've found you...or should I say you found me? LOL!

Leah Griffith said...

Jayne, I think the glass of white was just what you needed. Being a parent has a way of turning us inside out so that all the soft stuff is exposed to the winds of life. I hope your weekend is fantastic, and btw…I picked up my inspiration award. Thank you ;)

Me said...

Excellent post.

Chris said...

Sometimes some of your sentences strike a chord in me that is vaguely related to your post, but resonates with some of my own feelings and experiences. Today it was the "charged expectancy" and "leaving everything behind" sentence. I know this sounds random, but I still felt I needed to share :)

Leah Griffith said...

Hi Chris,
No, it doesn't sound random at all. The same thing happens to me sometimes and when it does I know that I am being "made aware" of those words for a reason...usually to teach me something. I love that this happens to you. Thank you for sharing that.
My Best,
Leah

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