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Monday, May 28, 2012

So She Said

A while back I was contemplating my advanced spiritually—how I had come so far from the pain of my past, growing into a confident woman needing nothing to validate or complete her. I was feeling strong and autonomous. Looking back on it now perhaps I was a bit overly confident, but hey, I worked hard for that confidence, so what if I walked with a swagger. It was at this point that life challenged me—silently watching as I ran headlong into a perfect storm, foolishly believing that my power and instincts were infallible.

Oh foolish woman, handing over your power like worthless crumbs; how long wilt thou turn back to the beggarly elements of self-doubt?

The thing about the flesh is that it never changes, and the pink insecurities of my ten-year-old self still resides beneath the weathered surface of my aged epidermis. My weaknesses don’t magically disappear just because I’ve grown to understand them. They will forever rise out of my life—rocky shoals that I must navigate around like a seasoned sailor, respecting the ancient places and the unpredictability of the sea.

After many fruitful years of pain and ponderings I have come to the conclusion that denial is delusion dressed in a sensible suit, and naivete, ignorance in its infancy.
So she said, with eyes wide opened.


Martha J. M. Orlando said...

My dear Leah,
I have been reading your novel and savoring every word, feeling every emotion, being in your ten-year-old moments. With joy, sorrow, anger, tears . . . and, much love for Cosette.
Spiritual awakening, I believe, sometimes happens because of pain, not because of its absence. Is it pretty and fun to go through? Absolutely not! But, in it and through it, we have no choice but to place our hearts and souls, battered and worn, at the foot of His throne. There we find peace, comfort, and growth in our faith.
I am so blessed to know you and, as always, I stand in awe of the writing skills with which God has blessed you!
Love and hugs!

Kathy said...

ahhhh...yes indeed....I know 'em well...the unpredictability of the sea, the tides, those shoals...eyes wide open in continuing surprise!

The Loerzels said...

I think our struggles are similar and I too sail those turbulent waters. As always this was so beautifully said.

Tameka said...

Such beautiful and wise words: " I have come to the conclusion that denial is delusion dressed in a sensible suit, and naivety, ignorance in its infancy. So she said, with eyes wide opened."

Please know dear Leah that we all come to a point where we understand the deeper meaning of things but then we are still challenged with the day to day of life. You are not alone.

This post reminds me of one of my favorite songs: Viva La Vida by Coldplay. I feel as if I could have written this song.

Hugs dear one...

Leah Griffith said...

Sweet Martha,
Pain is the catalyst for growth and change. I wish it were different but what do I know...I'm just a human being and not a god. I trust that things are as they should be—even when it hurts.
I love that you're reading Cosette's story Martha. The story is all about pain and growth. We all share that same story and that is why I wrote it and will continue to write...and grow.
Some things are carried to the foot of the throne, others dragged, sooner or later everything ends up there. Surrender.

Leah Griffith said...

Yes Kathy, the unexpected and predictable shoals. They do add interest to the scenery;) Hugs my sister of the shoals!

Leah Griffith said...

Marie, our struggles are common and carry with them all the lessons...a tailored list of courses created for each of us. When I look at it this way it makes me feel special—annoyed but special;)

Leah Griffith said...

Tameka, the entire population of the world goes through these spiritual grow-spurts, each one alone, yet all together. So it has been since the beginning of time and will continue till the we are either all perfect or extinct;)
I love that song Tameka, "I sweep the streets I used to own." So it is.
Thank you for adding your wisdom and "Tameka Touch" to this post.

Chris said...

Dear Leah,

You got me with this one again. More than once over the past months I have thought about how arrogant I was in certain situations, thinking I had them all figured out when in fact I had my head up my ass the entire time.

*insert me blowing a raspberry at myself here*

But reading your words here lit a bulb over my head so to speak, reminding me that it is overconfidence that gets people to the Moon and back, around the globe, or past the point of no return with heavy illness and back into survival. Instead of considering ourselves silly or immature or foolish, perhaps we might think about being grateful that we had that coping mechanism on our side in moments when realistic thinking would not have gotten us very far.

Am I preaching to the choir? Stating the obvious? I've been a little confused lately... :)


Leah Griffith said...

LOL! Chris, confused and blind. But yes, being overly confident is like riding a rocket into outer space, swooshing past all the nay sayers and hecklers, but perhaps not paying close enough attention to some internal matters. Blasting through galaxies can be distracting.

I don't regret a thing. All these lessons are here to teach me and add fuel to my rocket. I'm gonna need a lot of fuel;)
I miss you. I'm going to call you this week.

Authentic Imperfection said...

What wise and vulnerable words here.

Leah, I read your novel this weekend. Couldn't put it down. Having the story told in the voice of ten year old Cosette was very powerful. I fell in love with her. What a brave, vulnerable,vibrant,loving soul she has.

I felt so many things as I moved through the story.I could identify with so much of Cosette's and her sisters experiences. I literally felt myself collapse on the inside many times as I read along.

I didn't want the book to end. Wanted to know what the next ten years were like for her. Her mother, her sisters.

Well done. And Leah, THANK YOU.

With love,


Nikky44 said...

This post touches me so much today. I have been in tears since yesterday morning, feeling I am not able to cope with it all. I know this depressed feelings so well, but this time they seem worse, because this time I believed I have changed, I believed I was getting stronger.Feeling so down now is such a disappointment that comes with anger towards myself. I don't know why I'm saying all that now, but reading your post helped me. Thank you for allowing me to vent <3

Healing Morning said...

"..the pink insecurities of my ten-year old self..." Oh my, what an evocative statement! We all have those delicate, still somewhat raw spots inside. And we all like to think that we've healed, evolved and grown by epic leaps. Truth is, we have and we will continue to, but equal truth is, we will always have that inner young one in shadow. And the shadows will always paint and ghost a bit into the present. In some ways, I don't think that's a bad thing, as it gives us contrast and shows us a clear mirror to look into. Shadows DO have a purpose, after all. They anchor us, and they dance nostalgia and whimsy onto our canvas. Color is always deeper when shadow is applied, and thus, I think our character and growth becomes richer, bolder, stronger, deeper, etc., because we don't insist on banishing the shadows. Wow, there I go, off on a tangent! That's why I love visiting here, Leah. You always stir my heart and imagination. <3

Loving you, sweetheart. <3

- Dawnie

Leah Griffith said...

Leslie, I'm so pleased that Cosette was able to communicate with you. I had to turn myself inside out when I wrote Cosette's Tribe—writing honest, not sparing myself, or the reader, the truth, and subsequently creating heart paths without any intention of doing so.

Cosette was brave, pushing herself forward while so many things were trying to hold her back. Life's struggles don't skip over the children, if anything it is toughest on them because they don't have the maturity or experience to handle the issues that adults often burden them with.

I've begun a second book—Cosette has more to say;)

You're Welcome Leslie <3

Leah Griffith said...

Nikky, you are always welcome to vent here. I'm familiar with what you speak of...feeling you have left certain shadows behind and then suddenly there they are. This does not mean that you have gone backwards at all. It simply means that you are growing and sometimes it's painful. Being afraid of going backwards fuels our fear and sends us deeper into the shadows. We must never pre-judge tomorrow by today. Each day is new, shedding new light for us to live by—and casting new shadows because that's what light does. We're all in this thing together Nikky, and it is good;)

Leah Griffith said...

Dawn, dancing in the shadows and the snow...all in one day. I love it.

Yes, the shadows have a purpose. It takes an incredible amount of light to cast a shadow, which is proof that the light is always there. As you said, "we mustn't insist on banishing the shadows."

Love that! Love you!

Jayne said...

"My weaknesses don’t magically disappear just because I’ve grown to understand them. They will forever rise out of my life—rocky shoals that I must navigate around like a seasoned sailor, respecting the ancient places and the unpredictability of the sea."

So she said, alright! Such a sage girl. Our weaknesses never leave us, but they sure make us stronger and smarter and good at making use of certain tools amassed by such pain and weakness. And you, dear Leah, with those tools, have built a beautiful and sturdy boat on which to sail. :)

Nikky44 said...

Thank you so much Leah. Your message means a lot to me. Love you <3

Galen Pearl said...

Denial and naivete. I will now always think of your definitions. Great blog--now following. Hope you will follow back. I look forward to reading more. Love your powerful title and imagery.

Leah Griffith said...

You're welcome Nikky! We're all in this thing together.
Sending a hug!

Leah Griffith said...

Galen, thanks for the praise. It's great when someone gets something out of my words. I visited your happy blog yesterday and became a follower. I appreciate the follow back.

Nikky44 said...

Hi Leah, I just wanted to let you know that I have nominated you on My Blog for the Reader Appreciation Award, Much Love <3

Leah Griffith said...

Jayne, a sturdy boat. I love that. Thank you.

I've been sailing in this sturdy boat for many a year; through gales and heaves yet I am—still here. Yes sturdy!

This ship will be sailing to MA in July! ;)


Jayne said...

Yeah! Let me know when, Leah! Would love to connect again. :)

Mary Hudak-Collins said...

Leah, life itself is full of unpredictability. Our doubts within ourselves is what makes us who we are; makes us stronger each day we move on. Thank you for sharing today!

Bella said...

Much as I want to believe I am an empowered, assertive, and fearless woman, there are days when insecurities rise to the surface, much as you describe here, and I can't but wonder if I'm just putting on a good act. I'm convinced being strong is something we have to practice. For some, it may come naturally but for most, I dare say it's one practice exercise after another until we acquire strength and endurance. Perhaps these moments of weakness also serve to show us that we're human. Great post! :)

Julia said...

Lovely Leah. Oh, how I get everything you have said here--how deeply I relate. Every word I have the pleasure of reading of yours makes me love you more.

Thank you so very much for stopping by my blog and leaving your loveliness's always sweeter after you've been there. It was so reassuring to know you felt similar feelings after signing off on Cosette's Tribe.

Giant, love-filled hugs to you, dear person.

melissa said...

I have inquired our bookstores if they have your novel, it hasn't reached ours yet. I'll ask my friend to share her cart :P

I think spiritual maturity entails that we become whole... and it doesn't mean we have to get rid of all those painful experiences but rise above them.

They do surface most esp. during those times when we have resolved to be better. The devil doesn't like that we advance spiritually so it continually puts us down.

You are stronger now...and more receptive of God's graces. You are a very special person Leah :*

Leah Griffith said...

Jayne, I'll be in touch. I can't wait!

Leah Griffith said...

Mary, we are as unpredictable as life aren't we. Yes our doubts and insecurities are faithful teachers.
Sending love Ms. Mary <3

Leah Griffith said...

Bella, some people hide their weakness...running from them, thinking that by hiding their weaknesses will remain a secret, when in reality the very act of hiding is like proclaiming your flaws from a billboard. I don't like being taught lessons but in the end I'm grateful for them. Thanks for sharing your heart on this subject. We are all so much alike.

Leah Griffith said...

Julia, whenever you come here it's as though the sun has burst through the clouds. I just love you girl and I'm so happy to see you.

We are getting things done...Oh my goodness! ;)
Here's to getting it done! Cheers!

Hugs right back beautiful lady.

Leah Griffith said...

Thank you Melissa; you're a bright light my dear! Yes, whole...whatever that truly means. We spend our lives growing. To live is to grow or die both figuratively and literally. We love, trust, and grow. We hate, fear, and grow. Either way life is teaching us and leading us home.
Sending love to you Melissa.

JANU said...

Nice, nice and nice...every word hits home.

Leah Griffith said...

Hello nice to see you today. Have an incredible weekend sweetheart.

Leah Griffith said...

Good morning Janu;)

Debbie Maxwell Allen said...

Some shadow of our insecurities will be with us forever, but I believe they grow fainter as we realize our inner strengths.


Sabrina A. Fish said...

That was so beautifully said, lady! I found you on accident when I google'd 'rocky shoals'. I am writing a novel and wanted to make sure I described it correctly. What a pleasant surprise to find you when I randomly clicked on one of the links google provided me.
I identify with this post so strongly, that I am a new follower. I will definitely return to see what else you have to say.

Thanks for lighting my day with these beautiful words.

Leah Griffith said...

Sabrina, I imagine we are kindred spirits brought together by kismet. And now I need to know about you and your precious novel. I'm so glad that you found me today.

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