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Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Surrender to Your Nakedness

I’ve kept clear of writing lately opting instead to dip my brush into tiny puddles of primaries and pastels. It’s not that I haven’t felt the urge to write, but rather I’ve grown tired of my own words. For me writing is a reflective vocation where my words spell out the contents of my heart. If my heart is heavy, my words are heavy, and quite frankly I’ve been in such a state of introspection lately that my writing has become an extension of this self absorbed circuitry.

This negative energy has been trying to drain me of my strength and pallor for some time now, so when my friend, Julia suggested that I splash my life with color; I jumped right in. Actually she made me take up painting as a homework assignment for her Getting Naked Class, that I attend. The class has been huge help in pointing the way to the things that really matter. So thank you Julia for giving me an artistic nudge.

This morning I’m writing because I miss it and I’m hoping to discover some tiny treasures, perhaps a clue as to how to navigate beyond the limited default settings of my mind to a place of freedom and intelligence, a place where the past is tucked in and understood and doesn’t rule the day. A place where the future needn’t mirror the past but holds infinite possibilities and endless surprises. I want to be rid of all the senseless gloom and doom and skip off into the land of perpetual tra la las.

By making the writer paint I’ve stepped off of my predictable path. My artwork is childlike and two-dimensional, bespeaking naivety and a clear lack of formal training, yet it is honest and untainted by the measuring madness of the ego or the shortsightedness of ambition. Painting, when I’m not certain how to paint, has taught me that control is an illusion, as are security, perfection, and time, and that I need only be myself—my rag-tag, bedraggled, silly, somewhat gullible, grumpy, and overly-deep self in order to be happy. I am enough.

Surrendering to this truth is like stripping naked in a fabulous boutique. The silks linens and cottons call to me from the racks, but I must remain naked until I’m certain that I’m not using the clothing as a form of disguise or surrogate security. I must surrender to my nakedness as surely as the evening must surrender to dawn, spring to summer, autumn to the callous cold of winter, and finally life itself must surrender, like a startled zebra seized by the committed jaw of a lioness, to the relentless grip of death.

I am convinced that until I can consistently determine the difference between the conditioned voices of yesterday and the compassionate and intuitive words of today…right now, I will continue to get trapped within the webby inertia of identity-dementia, and waste my days looking backwards for the road ahead.


melissa - μέλισσα,ميليسا,מלסה said...

Amazing Leah and very creative! I love your theme and it really made me reflect on your words.

I was wondering why you haven't written for a very long time... surrender doesn't come easy but if one allows himself/herself to, then another dimension of ourselves come out ~ I love that you are an artist as well.

You have allowed us to see another part of you and it's beautiful. Thank you for sharing this.

Missed you and love you!

Leah Griffith said...

Sweet Melissa, thank you for missing me. Actually, I've been missing me lately too. This phase in my life is bound to produce the most beautiful fruit because it has been one of the most painful times. I'm so glad that none of our trials are wasted and that love conquers fear. Onward we go sweet sister, higher and higher.

The Loerzels said...

It's good to return to a child-like state of mind. Painting what a good idea. Except the kids are home all summer and they'd want to paint too. I think I'll wait til they're back in school. Selfishly, I'm glad you're writing again!

JANU said...

As long as you enjoy doing what you are is good. I love the concept of 'nakedness'. we all should give it a try too.

Martha J. M. Orlando said...

I have truly missed your writing, dear sister! However, reclaiming yourself through trying something new is never a bad idea. I love your painting! There is something about drawing, even when we don't have much talent for it, which brings out the child in us. Perhaps, that is exactly what has to happen to help you see clearly and move forward.
Love and blessings to you, Leah!

Karen Wojcik Berner said...

I haven't been writing much lately either, Leah. Have been immersed in finishing second editions and one last push before I move on to new projects. The writing feels couped up in a coccoon, ready to burst free. I like the idea of changing up the modes of expression. Different points of view can only help us, but it's okay to take time to heal as well. ((hugs))

Leah Griffith said...

Marie, I forget that everything you do must be multiplied by four. You're an amazing mom and writer...and funny as hell;)

Leah Griffith said...

Janu I love the concept of nakedness too, but the actual act of stripping down out of all my security blankets sets my heart to pounding and my knees to shaking. Yet I do it because I want to end the suffering. We all have our sufferings and somehow they shuffle us along and we learn. But we still want them to go away and must do what we will to end them.
Sending a hug to you Janu. Thanks for your visit.

Leah Griffith said...

Thank you Martha. Your words always brighten up my day. Sending love sweet sister.

Leah Griffith said...

Karen, I am so excited for you. You have created such a beautiful world for people to visit in your novels. You are a badass beauty my dear and you inspire me.

Corinne Rodrigues said...

This fits in so well with my work with The Artist's Way at this point, Leah. Just got myself some color pens after ages. You might see something come up on my blog too! I love you, sistah!

Leah Griffith said...

Corinne, I can't wait to see what you create! I really am enjoying playing with paint. I'm going to get some markers today so I can write stuff on my paintings. It's so much fun!
Love! Love! Love!

Healing Morning said...

How interesting - we're walking a similar path right now. I'm still having very lengthy stretches between blog posts, very unlike my past blogging self. Today, I wrote something after another good month or longer of silence, and to my surprise, something beautiful flowed from my fingers. I had a completely different idea in mind when I started writing, but you know how it goes sometimes - the words had other ideas.

I miss painting. Your comments here reminded me of that fact. Perhaps it is time to grab a sketch book and push some color across the clean white, see what happens.

I don't know what this erratic writing cadence means these days; I just sort of go with it and try to stop angsting when time stretches out with empty space at my blog.

Loving you, Leah! <3

- Dawnie

Mario Zeleny said...

This is only my second time at your blog... the last title I saw was "...pants down" and now "naked". Is this a themed blog?:0

When you get a chance, can you email me your addy. I am sending out the giveaway winners email today!


Leah Griffith said...

LOL! Mario! No not a themed blog. But I see your point. Hmmm... something to ponder. I'll get that email right out to you.
Thank you!!

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