To blog or not to blog…that is the question. I’ve been sitting on this blog for three days now…pondering if I should post it or not. My ego/pride was arguing that I sometimes reveal too much to you, yet my artist/spiritual side was arguing that the truth is the only thing worth writing. So, after contemplating the universe from my Corolla, while zipping through traffic, harmonizing with Bette, and using my steering wheel as a percussion instrument, I’ve committed to posting my insanity. Sometimes I take life too damn seriously ;) Here goes…
I really need to take better care of myself; so, I’ve decided to sift through the clutter and confusion of a thousand unsolicited messages…and dump the garbage, while keeping all the gold. Sounds reasonable, practical, and relatively simple, but fools rush in when the glitter blinds them, and just because it glitters doesn’t mean that it’s relevant.
Have you ever looked in the mirror, and then five minutes later, forgotten what you look like? I have. So, it’s easy to understand how, sometimes, when I’m feeling insecure, I hand my keys over to somebody else whom I deem more competent than myself, and before I know it I’m being driven off in the opposite direction… with a contented grin on my face.
Wandering from my path, I cross over into strange territories, where gangs of amped-up emotions hang out, spitting out insults and bullying me. Sometimes I startle myself with my neediness, allowing my un-guarded mind to dance on the blood-stained blade of insecurity while reaching for things that I think I need. I reach because it distracts me from having to face the truth of my own path, because the truth is often messy, and it can make me bleed…and I’m oh so tired of bleeding.
So, I’m taking inventory of my life…and where to put my energy, and I’m avoiding all the detours that may throw me off my course. Snipping off the useless threads of yesterday’s miseries and stitching up my heart in the places it’s been torn. Observing my desires and seeing what I really need, to keep myself present, and living in my skin. I’m following my path; surrendering to where it leads, and listening carefully to the voice I hear within.
Okay, I didn’t mean for that last paragraph to rhyme…perhaps Dr. Seuss is my distant relative. Anyway, yeah… it’s time to trust myself and my path, hit the accelerator… and stop looking for the exit ramps!
4 comments:
Well, Leah, you have melded perfect photo and perfect song with perfect declaration of your own pursuit of happiness. And within your beautiful writing are so many truths--truths that cannot be acknowledged without a present and highly conscious level of awareness.
We all allow ourselves to be lead into "strange territories" at one time or another, but you've come away as a stronger person, I can see, and it's that inner strength that sees you through life's vicissitudes. Bloody or not.
(Though, I'm sure your knife bares no incriminating evidence.)
Oh, how I enjoyed this soliloquy, Leah. So what's the answer? The path will reveal in time? (You will, you will blog, right?) ;)
;)
Yes. Jayne, I’ve been through sticky situations and dicey dilemmas, as have all of us, and have come out educated and equipped for the next phase of life. Isn’t that what life is for; to teach us how to live, and to trust and to be brave. I will continue to blog, actually it was this blog in particular that I was afraid to post. Somehow sharing it made me feel naked. But this is how we teach each other. We bare our souls because our experiences are familiar and our lessons universal.
I am excited about my path, and even though it’s different than what I’m used to, I expect it leads exactly to where I need to go;)
Excellent insight...have you ever worked as a therapist? ;-)
Chris (http://christinejmolloy.blogspot.com)
Hi Chris, Insights are often discoveries made when exploring unknown places. I simply report the information as I see it ;)
Thanks for stopping by. Aren't you on vacation?
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