How is it that the most powerful moments—the life-shifting events of epic significance—seem to offer the bloodiest, most repulsive, run like hell away if you can, lessons? Yet one can rarely run from the big-screen reality being played front center, where you are cast as both the adored leading lady and the despised villain. So is the way of the well-intentioned life…day after day, sunrise-to-sunrise—messy, in your face, LIFE.
Do you suppose that maybe God sets up our lessons? I can see him; sitting in his director’s chair with his glasses perched low on his nose, “Okay, this is where she finds something very special. Cue something very special. And…action!”
Oddly enough this serendipitous meeting with “something very special” is just the catalyst needed to trigger an avalanche of happenings—all timely, some breathtaking, and some excruciatingly painful, so painful in fact, that you have moments of believing that death would be a blessed relief.
And what does God say when you’re about to bleed out? He says, “Lean into the blade my child. That’s right. Feel the cut of it; welcome the gurgling panic of your ego as it sinks beneath the ruby flow, releasing its deceptive control over your mind.
In the remote wastelands of your soul, not a drop of blood is squandered nor a bitter tear ignored. Pain, a most ferocious lover, will be waiting to drive you deeply into reality where you will finally discover that the solution you so desperately sought dwells within the very heart of your problem.
So weep until all dross is purged, leaving only the sparkle of your uncorrupted Spirit’s smile—Love, ever waiting to escort you back to yourself.”
Today’s lesson: Never seek happiness outside of yourself for to do so is to say, “I am not enough.”
21 comments:
Hi, Leah! ~
WoW! That's the 'eating-life-raw-est' thing I've read lately -- you definitely live up to your promise ;-) You touch a chord deep inside me and remind me that I have a choice in each moment to look for the light or peer into the shadows. There is Truth to be found in each. Loving you. XOXOX
This sounds quite similar to my goals in meditation. You have to really feel the moments to learn from them... but you describe it in a way that really grabs the heart. Great post. xo
Do I keep getting cut because I'm playing with swords? Or is it because I preemptively blot away the blood before I'm done bleeding it? At least the answer isn't to stop playing with swords.
As always, Leah, very provocative and thought provoking. Quite a visual of God sitting up in a director's chair. I have to think some of it is up to us. There are times to lean into the blade and sometimes know that we need to back the hell up and not let the blade hurt us. Life is so complicated.
Letting go . . . sometimes, it's the most painful encounters which encourage us to finally do so.
Again, another amazing reflection filled with dazzling and challenging images, dear Leah. Beautiful!
Really enjoyed this! Thank you. Especially your beautiful observation that: "Lean into the blade my child. That’s right. Feel the cut of it; welcome the gurgling panic of your ego as it sinks beneath the ruby flow, releasing its deceptive control over your mind." It's so true....ultimately that's what hurts the most, letting go of our ego. The Lord is wonderful that even if we don't want to let go of it, he always gives us opportunities to do so.
Linda, Indeed the truth is to be found in both. Sometimes pain is the only way we will discover the mysteries needed to move forward. Love has many faces. XO
Rachel, you are exactly right. We need to feel the moments instead of skipping over them with distractions. We run from ourselves without knowing why. I believe it's a habit deeply rooted in fear. We distract ourselves with all sorts of stimulating projects rather than face ourselves. We are here to learn and learn we will—through both joy and tears.
Big hugs Rachel!
Marie, we all play with swords...that is what makes life such an adventure. No, one mustn't lay their sword down but rather feel the pain when it cuts and follow the trail of blood to the wound site. This is where you learn and then heal. I've got many sword scars—each an endearing marker of progress and love.
Cheryl, oh yes! I've backed the hell up many times, and rightly so, for to give another your power is to abandon yourself to their issues. Lord knows we have enough of our own issues without taking on theirs.
We must take care of ourselves ALWAYS. Each day presents us with many choices: what we think, how we spend our time, how we treat our bodies...we are in charge of some things and then there is the outer world where meteors fall, shooters shoot, and friends shock us. We have no control on these events, only on how we respond to them and isn't this is the great lesson of life...learning how to respond?
Martha, letting go is never easy when the thing you're holding onto is dearly loved. We tend to hold tighter the more we fear losing it and in the end the fear of losing it becomes manifested in the flesh. Pain cuts our heart in two and that precious thing comes tumbling out where you can see it for what it truly is—and love it from a more honest and healthy place.
XO
Vmdavana, yes, the Lord is gracious, issuing tough love in order to remove the blinders we have to real love. The ego is clever, camouflaged as truth, representing itself as an authority, when in reality it is a scared impostor fighting for control.
The most dangerous part of a lie is the amount of truth mixed in with it.
Thank you for your comment. So glad you are here!
Thanks for this eloquent reminder about getting rid of the ego. Very important. You have such a gift of insight and communication--I believe you might just achieve guru status soon. :)
Your previous two posts read as if you were cutting out innocuous, playful objects out of cardboard, but with an X-acto knife. Clear, precise, almost impersonal in analysis. This one is pure power. Methinks you have something bubbling in your cauldron, and it smells dangerously enticing.
My beau and I often talk about the nature of (self) love (no shit). He insists on "I don't need you, I want you," and I reply with "I don't love you because I need you; I need you because I love you." I have no shame getting on my knees to express my love. But yes, there is a difference between seeing (self) love as a lack and as a productive force, as a hole to be filled or a castle built on top of a hill. We are enough. It is when we build, and grow, and rise on top of that that remarkable things happen.
This is such a powerful post Leah... your words 'cut' deeply, 'lean into the blade.' It's also scary at the same time...but I put my trust in God in everything even if most of the time, everything doesn't make sense.
Lots of love!
Oh Lady Leah how I have missed your words of wisdom. This post is speaking to me very clearly and directly today. Thanks dear lady.
My latest blog feature: http://venusblogs.com/the-white-stuff-of-nightmares/
Karen, I'd be the most confused guru on the planet. LOL! Thank you for coming here and bearing witness to my bleeding;)
Chris, I am building that castle on a hill. As a matter of fact I just wrote a poem about castles and hills (no shit).
My cauldron is bubbling over, we'll see what it produces in the end.
I've been in a quiet place lately. I've removed myself from many activities in order to let the dust settle, so as to see clearly. I've read each of your posts and when I go to comment I get so full that I shut down. It's too much to write. I want to talk to you...let it flow.
I'll head over and chat with Ms. Faustus soon. Keep on writing. You're fearless.
<3
Melissa, to me, that is the only way to live...putting your faith in God. That everything makes sense even when it doesn't. In the end everything will be alright;) It's very scary at times, but it makes me feel better to know that we are all in the same boat. Period.
Big hugs to you beautiful Melissa!
Sweet Tameka, I'm honored that you found something worth taking away with you.
Big hugs my lady.
Holy shmoly, Leah. This post, these words, your soul--YOU. I'm spilling with love and deep understanding.
These words (below) say it all and are exactly what I'm getting, finally...
"Never seek happiness outside of yourself for to do so is to say, “I am not enough.”
Embracing every bit of you, my friend. Missing you in my life and sending all the love I have. xo
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