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Friday, August 30, 2013

The Long Halls of The Morning

I’ve been rising early lately, walking the long halls of the morning, not certain where to put myself. My thoughts are what cause me to pace. Invasive little buggers that hijack me on my way to my pre-dawn pee, unsettling murmurs with spikes and spears, finding the softest places in my heart—piercing the pinky folds where wonder, love, and moonbeams are hidden. I never wear my breastplate to bed—that brassy brassiere that guards my heart—I lay it aside in slumber; after all, a girl needs to rest unencumbered by fear.

These early risings have caused my schedule to shift. What I normally do at 10:am I find myself doing by 8, making my day seem like a long train with endless cars rattling by—leaving me waiting for that bright red caboose to end the sentence and lift the gate. Oh wait a minute. That doesn’t sound inspiring at all. It makes life seem like an endurance test of sorts.

Precisely.

Most days rise and fall with events and thoughts, some self-inflicted, some random— the inner and the outer workings of me coming together to create a life consisting of unanswerable questions, nagging have tos, and yes, bliss. Of course the bliss part of my people pie is relatively small—a sliver of sweet aside a platter of boiled liver and cabbage, and somehow I know this is my fault, but hello! I could barely deal with a 17-hour day and now I have 19 hours. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful; but can I really be trusted to carpe diem when I can barely vacuum the carpet?

I’m certain that these early risings have been sent as loving teachers to guide me on yet another divine adventure of how to live joyfully in the moment without judgments and expectations, and I am grateful for everything, no matter how mushy the texture or bitter the taste, but I hope I learn whatever lesson this is quickly.

It just seems I can never get away with anything. It's like my father's the principal or something. Some people skip through life with clean socks and new sneakers, zippidy-doo-da-ing through their day. Why do I always have to have a lesson on something? Oh wait…that goes into the unanswerable questions pile.

Please Universe… send me some fun tests next time, like proving to you that winning the lottery won’t ruin me. I don't mean to whine but I need my sleep!

17 comments:

Stephen Hayes said...

I'm reminded of a time-worn saying: If wishes were horses beggars would ride. We all want something we don't have. I imagine this is part of the human condition.

Martha J. M. Orlando said...

Leah, I always find when I go through these times, learning those hard lessons, feeling at loose, and sometimes, wit's end, God is pulling me forward. He is readying me for some insight which will grow me spiritually, bring me closer to Him.
No, it's not fun. It's not easy. But, when all is said and done, it's worth it.
And, when I rise early and sip my coffee, I'll be thinking of you pacing the "long hall" and say a prayer.
Love and blessings!

Kimmers said...

Tests and tribulations speak of what strength you have within Leaher. Stronger than ever I have no doubt.

Kimmers said...

The tests and tribulations speak of what strength that you have within Leaher. Stronger than ever I have no doubt.

Leah Griffith said...

Oh yes, I know Miss Martha. As I said, "these risings have been sent as loving teachers...." I like to poke fun at life, and myself, and how messy it all is. Plus I know we're all in this together...growing up and then dying. LOL!
Love ya right back!

Leah Griffith said...

This is true Stephen. I want to sleep late, and maybe win the lottery;)

Leah Griffith said...

I suspect so Kimmer. At least I'd like to think so. Strength for the day;) <3

Dangerous Linda said...

oh, little baby leah, i hope you have a fun, relaxing, easy sleep-in day soon! sounds like you could really use a break! xoxoxoxo

Debra said...

As we say in these parts, “Bless your heart!” Call me and we’ll figure this out. I have my secrets and I’ll tell you when we talk again. This weekend is good for me. Saturday afternoon? Meanwhile, I’ll trade you an hour of sleep for one hour of sleeplessness. Deal?

Leah Griffith said...

Thank you Linda. Last night broke the spell...yay!!! I feel so ready and eager for the day when my sleep card has been filled. Thank you sweet Linda!
Hugs!

Leah Griffith said...

LOL! Debra! I'm very familiar with the "Bless your hearts" LOL! Southerners like to drench everything in sugar and God.
I slept in today. Yay! What a relief. Maybe writing this blog helped. I've been keeping things in instead of writing about them. This isn't good for me. I need to air things out on paper. I will phone you;)
Love!

Cairn Rodrigues said...

Have you tried hypnotherapy? I recommend it highly because I've slept great for the last 15 years since I was first hypnotized. Just a thought, good luck!

Leah Griffith said...

No Cairn, this is a temporary situation. As a matter of fact I slept in this morning (till 7am) and it was perfect! Whenever I'm chewing on something I perceive to be problematic it affects my sleep for a season. Once I find my solution all is well. Thanks for the suggestion!

Cheryl said...

I, too, would love to be tested by a lottery win.

Ahhh...the issues of interrupted sleep patterns. I struggle with waking at odd hours, only to find the worries that I shelved during my waking hours drop back into my consciousness but they feel far more burdensome at 3 or 4 AM. In the light of day things seem manageable but in the still of night they seem worse.

Luckily, my regular wakeup time is 5 so my day begins and I can shelve those pesky thoughts again.

Leah Griffith said...

Haha! Cheryl, chances of that happening are pretty slim but one can hope;)

I believe our defenses are down in the wee hours of the night. This is why we struggle so. 5am is an early rise. I'm not enthusiastic enough about life right now to bound out of bed that early. Not yet....

Julia said...

"I’m certain that these early risings have been sent as loving teachers to guide me on yet another divine adventure of how to live joyfully in the moment without judgments and expectations..."

Ah, yes, Leah...whether we like it or not, it seems we won't be able to rest in peace until we've learned how to do this! Though, I agree - we really do deserve a HUGE breathing break! And it's time, my friend (for a break, that is).

Know that everything you write resonates deep inside me - is it enough to simply say "me too"?

I love you so, my dear friend.



Leah Griffith said...

Julia my dear, yes...you "get" me. You are always there too aren't you. I love that. I love you!!

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