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Friday, February 14, 2014

Cupid Must Think I'm Stupid!

Valentine’s schmalentine’s, who gives a crap? Is this day just for daters and maters or for the general population? I’ve been married 35 years and I’ve yet to get a valentine gift. Of course I’m not the type to make a fuss. I like to silently seethe.

Actually, I come from Worcester County, which happens to be the home of the first Valentine. I think I should be demanding preferential Valentine treatment. And I would, if I thought it would do any good.

In grade school we used to exchange cute little cartoon Valentines. Do they still do that or is it considered sexual harassment? I used to be in love with a kid named Stephen Sweet, and man was he sweet! Of course he loved Phyllis what’s her name, and not me. But each year I would savor the fleeting intimacy between Stephen and I as he placed a tiny white envelope on my desk….” I was always hoping for this:

But I got this instead:

So you see, my Valentine expectations were lowered long ago, and since then I've learned to lower them even more still.

I no longer hope for roses, perfume, romantic dinners, and expensive chocolates, but make due with, yard trimmings, deoderant, Marie Calendar’s in-home menu, and thanks to my new cardiac diet, red Jello.

I’ve come to believe that Cupid has a nasty side, sparking inappropriate relationships for hundreds of years, getting our sappy little hopes up, only to have love blow up in our faces or go as flat as a couch potato’s ass.

Cupid doesn’t mention that love has stinky feet, hogs the blankets, burps louder than a marching band, and thinks that a night out is putting on a clean shirt and eating dinner in front of the TV.

So, I finally get it. If this girl wants a memorable Valentine’s Day she’s got to create it for herself. No more waiting for hubby to sweep me off my feet (or to sweep the front porch for that matter). I’m taking this holiday into my own capable hands!

Ha! Cupid must think I’m stupid!


Karen Wojcik Berner said...

Taking charge of Valentine's Day is a good plan. Besides, it's the everyday things that show love that mean so much more. Happy Valentine's Day, Leah. Enjoy your Jello. :)

Leah Griffith said...

Aw, thanks Karen. Wishing you chocolate, moonlight, and long kisses. Happy Valentine's Day!

Penny Boden said...

I enjoyed your realistic take on Valentines day. I couldn't agree more with your sentiments after being married for 42 lOOOOOng years! Oh for a bit of silly sweet romance!

Leah Griffith said...

I'm glad you enjoyed it Penny. The humor of truth tickles me. I hope you found some silly sweet romance yesterday. Thank you for visiting!

Cheryl said...

I tend to be the most unromantic person on the planet as far as "gestures" go. As a fellow "long timer" with 43 years of marriage in play...I have long ago considered Valentines Day a big deal. I love getting flowers from time to time but I prefer them spontaneously. If I get them on Valentine's Day or my Birthday it makes it seem like hubby felt compelled to do something as opposed to wanting to do something.

I loved trading those little cards as a kid. It was great fun. Now (at least in local schools) if you bring cards there has to be one for each child in class and you can only sign your name to messages or sentiments. Wouldn't want some 6 year old to not be politically correct now would we?

Overall..I am not a big fan of this holiday. I think it puts pressure on people that are still in the early part of their relationships.

Leah Griffith said...

You made some damn good points Cheryl. I like getting Valentines, although I don't think Mike has ever gotten me one. I've hinted. I don't care if it's "compelled". LOL! JUST GIVE ME A FREAKEN V-DAY CARD!. LOL!
That felt good.
Wow, 43 years!!!

Martha J. M. Orlando said...

You have more stamina than I, Leah. I think if Danny forgot Valentine's, I would think he'd found someone else. LOL! It's just in his nature to remember things like that.
I hope you found a way to make Valentine's fun and meaningful for you!
Love and blessings!

Debra said...

Sounds like a plan to me too. Here's to you, funny valentine! xox

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