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Sunday, October 2, 2011

Charred Confetti



Seeking sleep; the purest form of solitary comfort and escape, you toss, becoming tangled in the bed’s wrinkled accessories, surrendering again to the feelings that direct your mind’s traffic.

It’s been a long conflicted evening. Why do the soul’s deepest queries seem to emerge at bedtime; an aphotic pop quiz, asking the toughest questions at a time when you feel the most depleted and least prepared to answer.

You check the clock and moan. Time is not cooperating; he’s dragging his heavy feet again, puttering and stalling…making you wait. You change positions; kick off the blankets. Your mind stares into itself; a smoky crystal ball conjuring a vision.

Mutinous thoughts congregate like a murder of crows on a tightrope; omens of doom with jagged wings and lethal beaks. Their focused eyes are seeded with evil; they target your most vulnerable places. You try deflecting the attack, but your shield becomes too heavy, allowing the enemy to build momentum. Your mind becomes a movie reel of madness and tragedy taking hostages and burning corpses.

Your eyes snap open. It’s difficult to breathe. Your heart feels too large for your chest; it’s beating too quickly. Is this your heart? Is this your mind? The darkness fills every space like a rising flood of dirty water.

A vibration distracts you from your morbid ruminations. Youthful laughter and the thrumming bass of a stereo pull you back to the palpable. The car passes your house and you listen as the sound slowly dissipates into the endless shadows of the nighttide. You wonder where they’re going, all jacked-up on life, plowing through your phantoms; scattering crows like charred confetti.

















26 comments:

Cheryl P. said...

I so relate to your descriptions. I am a terrible sleeper. I wake up numerous times looking at the clock, being overtaken with lists of things to do or that need to be done. I do my worrying in the dark of night tossing and turning. Movie reel for sure.

Leah Griffith said...

Cheryl, somehow things appear larger than they really are when you can't sleep.
BTW, I've been trying to post on your blog since Saturday...it's telling me my browser is old...how dare it! LOL! I might give it a try using Google Chrome...this posting is tricky stuff;)

JIM said...

Whew I know your pain lol I have been in the same situation for about 18 years. Tried lots of stuff but some nights nothing works. Good luck tonight hope you get a great night sleep!!!


http://jpweddingphotograpy.blogspot.com/2011/10/photographing-love-in-spring-time-and.html

Leah Griffith said...

Hi Jim! I'm thankful that these nights are far and few between, but they do have a way of making you wonder how you can drift so far from shore without noticing it.

Karen Wojcik Berner said...

I had a night like you describe just a few days ago. It is maddening. Lovely description, by the way.

Leah Griffith said...

Ah Karen, it's good to know that I'm not alone. Although, when in the midst of it; there is no lonelier place on earth.

JANU said...

I have gone through nights like these...but your description is so good.....makes the visions come to life.

Leah Griffith said...

Thank you janu! Yes, we all have these dark nights which last too long and deplete our strength. It's like having an "awake" nightmare. Yikes! LOL!

Debbie Maxwell Allen said...

This sounds like me last night--though I could never have described it so hauntingly!

~Debbie

Leah Griffith said...

Hauntingly...you just did;) Sometimes I will go months without one and then I'll go through a rash of irrationality!

Ravenmyth said...

Brings back memories..I know when I am in one of those spin cycles...I finally learned to surrender. I turn on the TV and watch something I have recorded until I fall asleep. It does not happen alot..but it does. It is the " Oh No, here we go again Night"...loved your reference of the Murder of Crows...perfect visual...now following and shared.

Leah Griffith said...

Welcome Raven! I'm so pleased to see you here.
I should have turned on the TV, or read a book, but I so wanted victory over the night. I wanted my brain and heart back! I ended up falling asleep on my own.
I love your blog and have been following for a while. You do wonderful things with words...and crows;)

Jan said...

beautiful description of the sleepless nights. i battle this often. An apt and real depiction, wow I love the way you write.

Leah Griffith said...

Hi Jan, Thank you! I'm meeting lots of new faces today thanks to sweet Dawn...she gets it doesn't she.
I love supporting fellow writers and cheering them on their way. I'm also following your wonderful blog and look forward to reading your inspiring words. We do need each other;)

Alfandi said...

insomnia...you can try "Angry Birds"..

Cathy said...

Great post, you captured the feel of sleepless nights so very well. "Is this your heart? Is this your mind?" In Chinese medical theory, the Mind is said to be housed by the Heart...

Leah Griffith said...

Hi Alfandi, angry birds indeed! Thanks for stopping by.

Leah Griffith said...

Ah Cathy, you always bring to me ancient treasures. I believe it because when my mind is full of static I feel it in my heart.

Adriene Joyce (a.k.a Sweepy Jean) said...

I can so hear the sounds and see the scattering thoughts. Nice, Leah!

Leah Griffith said...

Hey Sweepy,
It's nice to see you;) Thank you.

Healing Morning said...

I wrote a blog a good year or longer ago about trains. Here in East TN, trains are still very prevalent and on nights where sleep is elusive, the smoky sounds of distant trains will often lull me and relax me in the wee hours of the morning. The sounds travel and bounce around the valleys and are given strange life by nighttime fog. I wish I could share it with you when you're battling your own long wakeful night, because it's lovely. I enjoyed the journey your mind took on this recent wakeful night....it felt like an old fashioned mid-century cliffhanger. Delightful with the images it conjured! :)

- Dawn

Leah Griffith said...

Dawn, I love trains. I just took my first train ride this summer up to NC and it was something. I think listening to trains would be soothing...then again I'd probably be wondering where everyone was going and why...

Jayne said...

Oh my, Leah, that sounds like a nightmare worse than Hitchcock's The Birds! How I know nights like that--all too well. I often stay up very late hoping it will help with a sounder sleep when it finally happens. If it does!

Wishing you sleepy nights that don't demand any answers!

(That photo of the birds really does look like charred confetti!)

Leah Griffith said...

Jayne, I love the concept of a sleepy night that doesn't demand any answers! How nice.

Brooke said...

Hey there! Finally on the computer. Tried to leave three comments on this blog, but I kept deleting them on my phone with klutzy flicks of the finger! So, I'm back!

So loved this post. So love your writing. Ahhh, 'charred crows'. Love that description. Love to imagine energy scattering like that. Amazing.

I love what you write about, how you express it, and if I am up at in the wee hours of the night at least I know I can go to you blog for soul food.

Thank you for your rockin' comment, that made my blog all the more powerful, for having it there. You are clearly, awesome. XO

Leah Griffith said...

Ms Brooke, when I see a new post on your blog I run to it because I know that you are on the same page as me only with your unique flair. You're a fabulous writer Brooke, you write true and honest, and you paint such beautiful pictures with your words.

I'm looking forward to scouting around on your site more. I know there are all kinds of treasures hidden there.

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